I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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