I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
