I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
