Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
