I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
