True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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