Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
