I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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