you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
