Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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