He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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