he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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