I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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