it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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