i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
