no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
