i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
