He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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