i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
