it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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