make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
