Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
