I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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