This house was built for laser tag.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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