She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so let's talk penis.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
