Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
