Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
