remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
