Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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