Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
