Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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