The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
