so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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