I think I died a long time ago.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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