I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
