Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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