i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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