I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
