i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
