Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
