your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
