Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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