What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
