I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
