The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
