best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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