I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Quick, to the slutcave!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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