i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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