I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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