What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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