What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
