Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
