Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
