Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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