I have demons in me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
