I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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