Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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