You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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