so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was like eating out sand paper
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
