Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
