Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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