his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
