She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
