with your own penis?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
