Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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