On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
