i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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