He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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