My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
