Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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