Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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