Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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