honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
