i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
