Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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