You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
