We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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