i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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